eternity...

Aug 05

Eternity Lost or Found?



While my parents were alive, life had a sense of eternity.

With their passing

My own mortality has been staring me in the face ever since.

Within mortality a new sense of eternity has been found.


Orion

all there is...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
*** Reflections ***
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Nov 07

All there is...

Reflecting back on the way i lived the majority of my life
it surprised me to discover
how much time and how much of myself
i invested due to misguided attitudes
in nurturing and feeding negative thoughts and feelings
and reinforcing them with the repetition of their patterns.

I used to believe i was a prisoner of prevailing circumstances
which prevented me from living the happy life
i had always believed in and aspired to.

Neither the passing over of both my parents
nor the "ticking" of my own life's clock
helped to shake me out of this,
until a sudden involuntary realisation
which struck me like lightning right through to the core

"This is it!... this is All there is, there is nothing else!..."

Ironically, the view of the End and of the Nothing
instead of bringing any expected feelings of doom
it opened up the Door to a New Beginning.

Suddenly the "chains" broke and fell off
Setting me Free as never before.


I still have the bruises they have caused me over the years
and still have to learn to walk without their weight
and although i still don't know which direction i should take next
there is an important thing i Do know
and that is



that i am free to choose and forge my own path.

Orion

humility...

Dec 07

Humility

At this point of my life i feel grateful that i am alive.

It was something that not only
had always been taken for granted
but more seen as a divine right.

To come to actually feel oneself
as inconsequential and of no importance
ironically brings a sense of inner calmness
serenity and utter humility.




Orion

meaningful...

28 Dec 07

Search for a Meaningful purpose



I have wasted many years searching and wondering
about the meaning of Life and the Purpose of my Own.

The purpose of Life
is very likely ...Life and its own concealed purpose!

Too vast an issue
No need to know either its meaning or purpose
in order to pursue it as whether we do know it or not
we are Part of it at any given time.

Centuries have gone by and millions of people and lives
'significant' or otherwise have come and gone.

Who really knows what the meaning of Life is
who really knows what the purpose of each individual life is.

Searching always deeper for a more meaningful purpose
may likely mean missing the meaning of what is already there.

Orion

choice...

Dec 07

A deliberate choice



In every event in my life
I always endeavour to Be as well as Act, good towards others.

There are some rather rare occasions though
when being good makes me feel bad
or being bad makes me feel good.

Yet, there is a great sense of dignity and nobility
in deliberately choosing to be good
when there is justification or even provocation to be bad.


Orion

real moments...

Nov 07

A Few Real Moments

More frequently than i would like to admit
either instantly, or after some brief superficial encounter
i find myself disliking someone without any valid reason.

Whenever this happens
i make a deliberate effort if it is possible
to approach that person find out their name
and start a friendly conversation.

A repeat effort of this works wonders on both sides.

I get to look into their eyes, observe their mannerisms
and listen to their words or their stories.

Often through this i detect shyness, concealed sadness or pain
low self esteem or other positive or negative traits
that bring to the fore a more real picture
of a person with depth, flesh and blood, heart and mind,
aspects which were not immediately perceived
during a first, hasty 'surface' based negative impression.

Every one has a story to tell
whether a happy one that brings a spontaneous smile
on their face and a sparkle in their eye
or a sad one of loss or pain
that makes them look real for just a few moments
and helps immensely to see them under a different light
and more tolerant and compassionate way than before.

I do not necessarily look to socialise or build a relationship.
I just try to be fair and to correct my initial negative judgment
that would be of no good either to me or to the other person
and to cultivate better feelings for both
in a world of a passing moment.




Alter Ego

introspective...

April 08

Introspective



Some times I feel rather lost when trying to understand
the different aspects of life
the world and all that occurs in it.

Without firm Belief or Faith, even if a false one
it is like traveling in unchartered territories without signposts.

Yet it is often in lost circumstances
that some of the greatest discoveries have been made.

Alter Ego

interpretation...

16 April 08

A matter of interpretation

In a rather strange and uncertain mood this morning
this gem caught my eye:

''In this world there is always danger for those
who are afraid of it.''


(George Bernard Shaw)

This I would say, unfortunately, describes me
most accurately...

Great big phrases -such as this- always catch our attention
and imagination because they can momentarily inspire
yet they often carry a rather narrow one sided aspect
or message referring to a particular concept.


Lots of those who ''are not afraid'' (of it ) often find themselves
into danger and trouble, not always totally unexpected,
such as in stormy seas in capsized boats,
lost and stranded in forests, carried out of avalanches,
rescued from dangerous climbing by helicopters etc
but the fools of this kind are always seen as brave and heroic
while the ones that consider carefully the possibilities
of danger beforehand and are rather cautious
are thought more of as being weak, wimps, fearful etc.

If there was any great perspective that could balance all sides
and all possibilities perhaps there would be No words at all
just the Silent Wisdom of Knowing.

* No intention to diminish the author's
very perceptive and inspiring words
much need in our every day lives ...*

Alter Ego

shady moments...

Nov 07

Shady Moments



I was a coward three times in my life
I was dishonest once and
revengeful twice

No good feeling ever resulted out of these not even then

The price heavy inside my own mind ever since

Remorse, shamefulness and eternal remembering
even though no one will ever know.

May the forgiveness and compassion
I so easily bestow upon others
be also extended onto myself
for my youthful folly
so that I heal and forget of a lifelong suffering.

Alter Ego

my daughters...

26 Dec 07

My Daughters



They are not any "achievement" of mine.
They are the greatest gift life has bestowed upon
and trusted with me.

I have often fallen short of them in many fronts
and that's what makes them even more special
and myself even more proud of them and of what they are.

I have often been tormented about the idea of keeping balance
in loving them equally and the same
but how can one possibly measure 'equal' loving
let alone 'the same'?

I can only say one thing with certainty

I love them each in a unique way

I love them with a depth that knows no boundaries.
A depth that transcends measurable dimensions
and have a respect for them
that no many others can measure up to.

Alter Ego