(Dream: Two months after he died)
My Father - My Self
He was sitting on a single narrow rectangular plank
his back against a resemblance of some sort of
low, open, unsupported wall.
He was suspended in the air
-surrounded by nothing - supported by nothing.
He looked ragged, desperate, forlorn, grave, despondent
He looked at me with despair and deep pain in his eyes
and said:
" I feel so Lost........ so Lonely.............
Nothing is the way we were told it is........"
--------
I woke up with the most gut wrenching feeling
i have ever experienced throughout my entire life
and his presence and sense of immense pain
so strong and palpable as if he were there
in the room, in the house in the air and everywhere...
...............
For a long time after, i had difficulty accepting
anything else other than this was a real contact...
that he came back to talk to me, as he always used to
and let me know ...
Yet on a parallel level i could see
how this was just a mighty powerful dream.
A clear dream
which revealed the state of shock and pain i was experiencing
as the world had just crumbled around me
and the foundation and solid support
of all that i had been relying upon until then
was suddenly lost, gone in thin air leaving me suspended,
ragged, desperate and steeped in scorching pain.
It was like My Father -a symbol of My Self- was telling me;
''Your World is suddenly shuttered
-nothing is the way they told us it is!
All you had ever believed in, is now letting you down.
The sense of eternity is lost
false securities have crumbled like statues
in a powerful earthquake and all metaphysical theories
and ideals that were once supporting you along the way
now stand meaningless in the enormity of your pain...''
There were not enough sanctuaries
for hiding my unrestrained tears...
Alter Ego
