Feb 08
My Castle
( Photo by Billy Delaney age 11, WA )
Imposing like an old formidable castle, in my young eyes
was our childhood home until the age of 13 .
Full of dragons, magic forests, princes and princesses,
galloping horses, magic fairies and many other magical
and unexplained experiences,some belonging in the realm
of imagination, fantasy and play and some touching levels
of metaphysical experiences.
It was indeed a very old 'castle' but it had a precious
little verandah with an impressively panoramic view
overlooking the entire City below, the Port and the
Open Sea beyond.
It was my favourite spot
and where i used to spend a lot of lonely time.
Lonely by choice.
That's how i liked it.
While all the other neighbourhood kids were playing outside
i preferred to sit there in solitude
and look at the sea in the distance and imagine it closer
so close that i could hear the waves...
It was there
where i experienced an exhilarating feeling of freedom.
There where i could be with my own thoughts
There where i could observe the world of the adults
and their relationships with astounding clarity for my age.
All so small and petty...
All enclosed within a very restricted circumference
All so dense - so unchangeable - all so just 'down there'
while i was sure there was a greater world
of unlimited possibilities vast like the sky
with its millions of sparkly stars i could see at night
and the lands beyond the open sea.
It was there where i explored my world and its own realities
intertwined with childhood fantasies.
It was there where i saw that one day i would be living
in a far away country far-far over the other side of the sea
unbelievable in all counts for many years later
yet becoming a reality after many unexpected turns of events.
It was there where most of my night time dreams took place
And there where i had a rather extraordinary
and most fascinating recurring experience:
There was no protective railing on the verandah
just a low brick wall.
I was not allowed to go too close to the edge
because it was dangerously low, old and very fragile
in many parts, ready to crumble at the slightest push.
For safety, most of the time, there were no chairs
unless there were adults present
and often i had to sit on some old cushions
on the cement floor.
Sitting that low resulted in the wall blocking most of the view
thus making other more trivial or strange things
attract my attention such as...looking at my very thin arms
and very long skinny legs!...
Looking at them i often felt some distinct separation from them
and from the rest of my body -as if I were 'inside it'
rather than 'being' it.
I felt like i was a very-very old man, inside a child's body.
I felt like i was about 80 years old ...or 100 ...
or 100 and another 100 or many hundred more
almost simultaneously...
and trying to work out the concept of the 100s
and their relationship while i had no conception at that age
of the number itself let alone its relationship in years
-years i had not yet lived ...
and have not lived yet - not even now.
I could feel myself so
and somewhat bewildered that an 'old' person like 'me'
was inside a little child's body ...
with funny skinny arms and legs...
and used to chuckle at the mystery
and the secret that no one else was supposed to know.
I could feel the sense of "myself " so separate from my body
and i could 'see' some blurred visions of things
strangely familiar, things i somehow felt I knew,
that were mysteriously inside my head, things that
neither any other children nor adults seemed to know.
Memories... memories of so many things ...
things that i had perhaps either lived before
or had not lived yet...
This sense has never really left me entirely.
Orion
